Emergent Masculinity
A retrospective on year 1 and a roadmap for year 2
Emergent Masculinity began as a series of paid high(ish) ticket single-day retreats. The first one was organized by Andy Hansen and Matthew Cannon, with Mike Thompson brought in to facilitate tea ceremony as part of the program. It was originally called Reclaiming Masculinity, and we had about 10 guys total for the day.
We made the name switch from reclaiming to Emergent Masculinity, inspired by the retreats put on by David Fuller and Alexander Beiner of Rebel Wisdom, called New Masculinity. Mike came in to do Tea again and also led a Holotropic Breathwork session and shoving circle. We lengthened the day to 10 hours and increased the price for the second one.
They were heavily inspired by the work of David Deida and his frameworks for understanding masculine and feminine dynamics. Common threads included relational work, tea, sound baths, fascial maneuvers, fireside chats, quality food, sauna, and cold plunge.
We scheduled a third, but it was an uninspired effort, and we canceled it when we didn’t sell any tickets within a week or two of announcing. Our hearts weren’t really into the topic.
From Business to Community
We met and discussed the need and value in building a community, partly for its own sake, and partly to support future paid events. We formed a WhatsApp group and invited past attendees to it. We saw a really important distinction between an audience and a community.
In mid-May 2023 we started hosting free events at Matt’s property in Elk River, with a similar ethos, but more casual, and mostly private. We focused our energy on helping with some building on Matt’s land, working side by side with our hands, and problem-solving projects together. We moved from buying frozen meals to home cooking, with one man typically overseeing the food.
When we considered who to invite, we had a simple guideline to start: Would you invite this person to hang out with you 1:1?
Coconut water and Topo Chico have been a staple. We don’t drink alcohol together, although we do often indulge in cannabis and microdosing.
We always started the day with a circle of some kind, and we had some meaningful conversations about what we wanted out of a men’s group.
Ease. Authenticity. Understanding. Bonding. Trust. Accountability. Integrity.
These are the words most often used in that conversation, to my recollection. Some men asked what we see as the vision here, and I always come back to the same thing: I don’t want this to be a thing I try to make money off of. Full stop. (We do charge for some of our public events, but we don’t make money off them.)
Making money on something creates pressure, expectations, and weight. This needs to be easy. Leaders within this community need the community as much as anyone else, and it’s important that we can be honest and ourselves.
Trying to make money would shift the dynamic. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but we should honor that shift and really commit to it if we go that route.
Going Public
We began inviting new men to the WhatsApp group who we’ve known from other community events. When we started doing paid public events again, the same thing had to apply: easy and casual. Some men in the group invited others in.
We hosted a series of “Men’s Sauna Nights” at Nomad Sauna’s shop in Northeast Minneapolis. This attracted mostly men who enjoy saunas, although we did find some men who wanted to go deeper into men’s work.
Through those events, our group chat grew to 50 people. Participation in the chat varied greatly among the different members. We’ve done some group and conversation moderating as we get a feel for who we are and who we’re not.
In November 2023, we paused the admission of new members to the group chat, to prioritize depth over breadth and get to know each other more before opening things up again.
Starting the Men’s Circle in January 2023
We got this far without having a consistent Men’s Circle. Although relational work has been a core principle of our events, there was a desire for more from many men. Two men, Kirk and Mika, had a lot of experience in circles with Mankind Project and were familiar enough with the format to step up to facilitate.
We surveyed the group to get a sense of what men wanted out of a circle, summarized the answers, and organized a Zoom call for the interested men. We prioritized making it work for the group's facilitators since there weren’t many who could do that. In early January, we decided on an in-person meeting every other Tuesday.
The circle is free, and the vision is to make space for all of the men to facilitate, as we rotate between each other’s houses.
The priority had to be consistency, and the maximum number of men for this style of circle is 8. We wanted a circle of men who were committed to participating in and building a container indefinitely. Unless otherwise noted, it was assumed that everyone would be there.
The circle has been deeply meaningful, although we were only able to accommodate about half of the men who wanted to be in it, due to time and facilitator constraints. This circle is still early on but trust is building consistently.
The Purpose, Values, and Vision
Early on, we saw a need for clarity. We did our best to communicate clear expectations. We wanted engagement and connection, not lecturing and marketing. The most enforced policy of the group is that we do not advertise or share events in the group chat that are not Emergent Masculinity events.
There has also had to be some moderation of conversation, as we point people towards the values and purpose of the group when things get heated and disconnected in the chat. Until now, that clarity has been confined to the group chat description and group discussions
This is where we see things currently (Note: this is not a definitive vision, but a jumping off point within a framework that helps me clarify things.)
Our Purpose:
We are here to build trust and connection so we can support each other as we explore how to grow as men in a changing world.
Our Values:
Integrity | Understanding | Authenticity | Participation | Service
Our Beliefs:
We believe that a new masculinity is emerging, which transcends and includes previous versions.
We believe there is something inherently valuable in masculinity and that the world needs healthy masculinity.
We believe in integrating new and old ways.
We believe that connection and trust are the foundation for everything else in this group.
We believe that a group of 50 fully engaged and aligned men is preferred over a group of 250 half-hearted men.
We believe it is hard to step into our potential without the support of our fellow men.
We believe that bonds are formed in the trenches, side by side and shoulder to shoulder.
Our Vision:
Emergent masculinity is a place to become better men, never a place to whine about or bash women and the world around us. Men who share these values and beliefs invest their time and energy in the group through circles, build days, and social events. We have a transparent system for integrating feedback, resolving conflicts, and maintaining accountability. We have clearly articulated paths towards carrying more responsibility and a clear system for onboarding new members when we are ready. It is clear what it means to be a member of Emergent Masculinity, and all members understand the values and purpose.
Our Goals:
Develop a curriculum to teach men how to facilitate men’s circles
We have 5 regular men’s circles with experienced and capable facilitators.
We have an organizational structure (LLC or non-profit) to capture financial investment and infrastructure improvements.
We have a discord server that has a distinct purpose from the group chat.
All men in EM know what it means to be part of this group and speak to the values and purpose.
We have an advisory board of founders, leaders, and members.
We have decided as a group whether to create membership fees to support expanded programming
Our Intention:
We build a strong and stable foundation by working side by side and trusting in the wisdom that every man has to share.
Our Priorities
Teach men who wish to lead to facilitate
Regular circles using the ManKind Project format
Clearly articulate what we see as healthy and unhealthy masculinity
Build days at Matt’s property
Compile a list of important books and resources
Give opportunities to men who step up
A regular public event that is easy to execute and includes relational work in addition to fun social time a la sauna nights
Policies and procedures
This is not a place to advertise or do business.
There will be some requirements for participation to be a member that will become active in Summer 2024.
We will also require new members to attend a public event first, network with men there, and apply for membership with 1 or 2 men to vouch for their entry.
There may be some sort of curriculum required to be part of the community as well to ensure alignment with the values and vision.
We may decide to onboard new members in “pledge class” style groups to build camaraderie and make it easier for leaders to onboard multiple members at once.
Pathways to Leadership
Men who wish to serve beyond participation can volunteer their time, space, or resources in service of our existing programming. If men wish to offer more, facilitation opportunities will be given to men who have participated, volunteered, and taken initiative. As you gain trust as a facilitator, you may be asked to organize events. As you are given more responsibility, you are expected to hold more context and track the experience of a wider number of men in the group.
We would love your feedback! If you’re a woman, what do you think are the healthy qualities of masculinity? If you’re a man, do you have a group of men to support you? Would you be willing to invest time and potentially money for it?